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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I wandered down to the Hsinchu Night Market. Oh boy, the food! I could smell the stinky tofu from a mile away. I know, I know, it’s an acquired taste, but I’m all about trying new things. So, I took a leap of faith and bought some. Let me tell ya, it was like eating a sock. A really old sock. But hey, at least I can say I tried it, right?

Taipei-Hsinchu is world’s 25th-largest S&T cluster